While you are away, movie stars are taking your women. Robert Redford
is dating your girlfriend, Tom Selleck is kissing your lady,
Bart Simpson is making love to your wife.
-- Clueless Iraqi radio announcer, Baghdad Betty, trying to demoralize our Gulf War troops.
I want to be reincarnated as your tampon -- Prince Charles,
(Not recommended as a pick up line. Kids, don't try this at home.)
You always write it's bombing, bombing, bombing. It's not bombing, it's
-- Air Force Colonel David Opfer, complaining to reporters about their coverage of the Vietnam War.
Capital punishment is our societies recognition of the sanctity of human
-- Orrin Hatch, Senator from Utah.
Don't be humble. You're not that great.
-- Golda Meir
It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by resorting
to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics or
-- H. L. Mencken
I think that the undecideds could go one way or the other.
-- George Bush, 1988
Honest businessmen should be protected from the unscrupulous
-- Lester Maddox, then governer of Georgia, on why his state should not create a consumer protection agency.
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates
in the country.
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
I did what any normal person would do at that age. You call home. You
call home to mother and father and say, "I'd like to get into the National
-- Dan Quayle, vice-presidential hopeful, defending his National Guard service during the Vietnam War.
Casual drug users should be taken out and shot.
-- Daryl Gates, Asshole Deluxe.
I didn't inhale.
-- Presidential candidate Bill Clinton
Who ever heard of Casablanca? I don't want to star opposite some
unknown Swedish broad.
-- George Raft, on the role of Rick in Casablanca.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more
certain they are their own.
Ward, come upstairs and talk to The Beaver.
-- June (Mrs. Frisky) Cleaver
I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy.
But that could change.
-- Vice-President Dan Quayle
I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue.
-- Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate in 1978
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
-- Brooke Shields, on why she wanted to become spokesperson for a federal antismoking campaign.
It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry
than your life.
-- Jackie Mason
Isn't there any other part of the matzo you can eat?
-- Marilyn Monroe, after being served matzoball soup three meals in a row.
My work is done, why wait?
-- Suicide note of Kodak founder George Eastman
Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It's not fair that some men should
be happier than others.
-- Oscar Wilde
I love California. I grew up in Phoenix.
--Vice-President Dan Quayle
Everyday people are straying away from the church and going back to
-- Lenny Bruce
Bite the wax tadpole.
-- Coca-Cola name as originally translated into Chinese (later changed to "May the mouth rejoice").
Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave.
-- Ad slogan "Pepsi comes alive" as initially translated into Chinese.
If we let people see that kind of thing, there would never again be any
-- Senior Pentagon official, explaining why the U.S. military censored footage showing Iraqi soldiers sliced in two by U.S. helicopter fire.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist--
-- Last words of Union commander General John Sedgwick, spoken as he was watching enemy troops at the Battle of Spotsylvania Court House.
Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something
-- Othal Brand, member of a Texas pesticide review board, on Chlordane.
I have no weakness for shoes. I wear very simple shoes which are pump
shoes. It is not one of my weaknesses.
-- Imelda Marcos, owner of 3,400 pairs of shoes.
Facts are stupid things.
-- Ronald Reagan
Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public
-- General William Westmoreland on why the media should be controlled in wartime.
I stand by all the misstatements.
-- Dan Quayle, then vice-presidential hopeful, defending his verbal gaffes.